- Are you in a relationship that used to be good, could be so good, but does not seem to be getting any better?
- Do you and your partner fight and make up regularly?
- Does your partner humiliate you, put you down, ridicule you, criticize you, make you feel guilty? Or do you do those things to your partner ? Do you do them to each other?
- Is your partner never home or "absent" even at home? Or are you?
- Are you uneasy, anxious, fearful or relieved when your partner is not around?
- Does your partner hit you or threaten to physically hurt you? Do you hit or threaten to physically hurt him or her?
- Has your sex life diminished?
- Is the use of drugs or alcohol in your relationship creating problems?
- Are you afraid of living alone, being alone, spending too much time alone?
If you answered yes to one or more of the above questions, you may be suffering from a lack of self-love. You may be harboring beliefs about yourself such as "I am not worthy," "I am damaged goods, unlovable, or BAD." These negative self beliefs often underlie the reason people stay in unhealthy, unsatisfying, and painful relationships and allow for the continuation of abuse, shame, guilt, and neglect. Fear of being alone and unlovable lead to the belief that love and nurturing in intimacy are not possible.
WHAT IS SELF-LOVE and HOW DO IT GET IT?
1. Make a commitment to YOURSELF. To work on YOURSELF. This is first and foremost. You must make the decision to put yourself and your needs first.
2. Learn what your own needs are. Recognize that these needs can be met, and that you can still have love and nurturing in your life while getting these needs met.
3. Take responsibility for YOU, YOUR life, and YOUR needs. Stop worrying about the other people's needs. They are responsible for themselves, and their own happiness. Not you.
4. Set limits and boundaries. What is acceptable to YOU? What is not acceptable? Decide it and stick with it. Be ok with it. Be ok with letting people know it.
5. Surround yourself with nurturing, and reciprocative people, who understand you, let you be you, don't make you feel guilty, ashamed, scared, worried about doing what you need to do (this includes your psychotherapist.)